I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
