omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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