just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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