And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
