Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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