i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
