Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
