I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
