Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
