I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
