My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
