I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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