So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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