I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
