at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
