Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
