What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
