When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
