you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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