The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
