fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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