we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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