Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize