I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
