I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
