if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Enjoy the penises
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize