It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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