You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
