i barfeds in our rink
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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