i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize