i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize