Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
