Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
