A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
