I can tuck mytits in my pants
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
