Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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