Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
