I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
