Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think i got beer on your cat.
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