Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
