Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Im part way to drunk.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
