I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
