I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
