I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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