im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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