Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize