Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
