she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
