my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
