i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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