I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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