Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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