you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
