I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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