I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
