my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
