So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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