just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
