its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
