By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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