He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
