You know, be my cock's hype man.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
