I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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